Diary of Sterek
by Centa0592
Summary: Stiles keeps a journal to help cope with his every day life
1. Chapter 1

Journal Entry 1

So my best friend Scott told me I should consider getting a journal to write down all of my thoughts that I can't seem to manage to work out in real life. I assured him getting a journal was stupid, pointless, and not to mention for girls; he laughed at me and told me I practically was a girl. Well needless to say he is the first "Fuck You" entry being written into this journal.

I guess I should start this journal off by telling a little about myself, my name is Stiles Stilinksi and I'm an alcoholic. Kidding I'm not an alcoholic, I'm just a regular average teenage boy. Actually that is a lie as well because my life is anything but normal; let me see how I can explain this without getting dragged to the nut house. My best friend Scott is a werewolf, I just found out that I'm gay because I'm in love with his werewolf alpha, Derek, who I'm hoping is also gay, the girl I've loved ever since I could love females, Lydia, is like immune to werewolves, my lacrosse teammate and fellow friend/enemy, Jackson, is a kanima, Scott's girlfriend, Allison, is a hunter of supernatural things and so are her crazy killer parent's, my father is the Sheriff who has no idea any of this is going on and well I'm somewhere in the middle of it all.

Some nights I like to just stare at the ceiling and imagine my life without crazy, wanting revenge teenagers. Without Kanima's, werewolves, hunter's and most importantly without the person who started this all, Derek Hale. It feels like just yesterday Derek blew into our lives, turned our entire perception of reality upside down, and yet I can't imagine life without him or any of this. The supernatural is now part of my life and I'm thankful to him for that because it's given me and well all of us the chance to show what we're made of. We've had the opportunity to save lives, to protect innocent people; how many people can say they've done that? We only have one shot of this whole living life thing so my new philosophy is that we have to make it count for something right?

But back to Derek Hale; that guy is just so hard to describe in words at the moment. He has these broad shoulders, great abs that he shows off by wearing really tight shirts, short black hair, piercing eyes, and his protective demeanor is nothing more than a turn on. When we first met I was terrified of him but not just because he threatened to rip my throat out with his teeth but because I was drawn to him. It seems like he and I keep getting put in life threatening situations together and I've saved him more times than anyone else in my life; and that includes my best friend Scott and my father. When Derek was dying of a bullet I was the one he came to and I had to take care of it, when the Kanima was trapping us in the pool and Derek was paralyzed I was the one who had to keep him a float. Not to mention the thousand times he's saved my ass including from his own flesh in blood Uncle Peter.

Whenever Derek needs something it never fails for him to find me somehow whether it's in my locker room at school, my jeep, or my bedroom he just appears places and threatens me to help him and call me kinky but I kind of like it. Sometimes I find myself arguing back with him just so he can get mad, pin me up against a wall and just stare at me really intense like. Makes me want to just lick him all over and have him fuck me silly. But I don't know how to tell him, I don't know how to just go up to an Alpha Werewolf and say 'hey remember me, Stiles well yeah I'm in love with you.' I mean should I write a letter, would he think that's silly? Should I ask him to go out with just us two? Should I start an argument with him, then in the heat of the moment just yell 'I love you' and walk away like they do in the movies? Or should I just pretend I don't feel anything for him at all and hope these emotions go away?

I'm starting to think Scott was wrong about this journal because it's not helping I'm actually a little more depressed than when I started writing. As usual, nothing goes the way it's supposed to for Stiles; I'm starting to take it personal. I think the universe likes to toy me with almost as if I'm its little bitch toy or something. For once I just wish everything would go my way, that I would get the guy and be happy; not sit around on the sidelines and watch everyone having the time of their life. Now that I think about it, if the universe isn't going to give me what I'm due I guess I'll have to take it.

Journal Entry 2

So, remember how I said me being the universe's bitch…well journal you can disregard all of that because things are starting to turn in my favor. Not long after I wrote the first entry I went to take a shower and just do some Stiles shower singing like I normal do. After my shower was over, I wrapped my towel around my waist and continued singing my song, down the hall and into my bedroom. My eyes were still closed as I was twisting and singing, opening then to look myself in the mirror and dry off. I turned around to go to my dresser and who did I see? Derek Hale laying on bed, arms folding over his head, smiling at my embarrassment.

I think at that moment I wanted to die, I think a small part of me did die because I was frozen in place unable to move. My towel was on the floor, I was naked and dripping wet and unable to move because Derek was not only seeing me naked, because Derek was not only watching me sing Spice Girls in the mirror, but because watching him lay there on my bed was giving me a hard on and he could see it. I was yelling at my brain to make my body move and when it failed to Derek got off the bed and picked my towel up and wrapped it around my body.

He had on a black shirt, blue jeans, and had taken his leather jacket and shoes off. He turned around and went back to laying on my bed as if nothing had just happened before saying "Stiles I make you nervous don't I?" I was so nervous and trying to fumble around for words but all that came out was gibberish. I pinched my leg to calm me down so I could answer him by saying "Why would you make me nervous just because you broke into my house somehow by passing my father and just laying there starring knowing I didn't see you. That's not stalkerish or creepy at all." He gave me a smirk again and sat up on the bed "You do know werewolves know when people are lying right?" Shit! Is what I was thinking because I totally forgot about their built in lie detector system. "Who's lying?"

He got up from the bed and pushed me to the wall almost knocking my towel out of my hand. "We can also sense when someone is horny, or likes someone. And well Stiles I make you nervous don't I?" I tried to slide underneath his arm but he stopped me from wiggling and pushed me back against the wall. Our faces were nearly half an inch apart I could kiss him so easy right then. I was trying not to think about kissing him or his intense eyes staring at me but it was no use I began to get hard just thinking about it; he looked down at my erection and then back up at me. "I want you to say it Stiles…I want to hear you say how you feel." I wanted to die, not say how I felt. "I like you, like really like you; hell if you want to kill me then kill me but I think I love you Derek. You act like this super hardcore, badass werewolf but deep down you just want to protect everyone and do what you feel is for the best. You've saved me more times then I can count and everywhere I turn you're just there I didn't even know I could feel this way but I do." I felt so relived, I just exhaled and let out a much needed sigh of relief.

He grabbed my arms and put them above my head while looking me deep into my eyes then slowing bringing his mouth towards mine. He gave me a little kiss then looked up at me to make sure it was what I wanted. I looked him in the eyes then welcomed another kiss this time longer, wetter, and much hotter than the first. His tongue swirled around my mouth, massaging every inch of my throat like he could read my mind and knew exactly where I wanted his tongue to go and when. He pressed his body against mine, knocking my towel off and through his jeans I could feel his erection pressing up against mine and I wanted him to take me right then. Instead he stepped back, letting go of my hands and said "I wanted to do for a while now." I couldn't believe that all this time he felt the same way as me. "Then why didn't you?"

"I was waiting for you to come around and say how you felt." He went and sat on the bed almost as if it was invitation for me to join him. "How long have you known I liked you?" Is what I responded with while going to put on some underwear. "I've known for a while now and the more your feelings grew the more mine did to the point I couldn't wait for you any longer I had to make the first move." I went to join him on the bed and we just looked at each for a second, mind fucking each other. "How did you get pass my dad though?" He just smiled before saying "I didn't…I came in through the window like I always do." He leaned in to kiss me but I pushed him back to ask "What do you mean like you always do? How long have you been creeping into my window?" He gave a sigh then reluctantly responded with "For a while now, I started coming into your window while you slept just to make sure things were okay, then I kind of liked watching you sleep. Did you know you even talk in your sleep? Usually it was about me, sometimes about Lydia and Scott…mainly about me being covered in pudding." I felt the embarrassment slowly creep back over me. "You heard me talk about the pudding dream?" He kissed me then said "Yeah I did…I think it's cute." I kissed him back and asked "You want to go somewhere, like just us two? With no werewolves or anything supernatural?"

He said he would love go on a date with me and wanted everything to be perfect. He grabbed the back of my head pulling on my hair a little bit and gave me another kiss before leaving out of the window. If this is real and not just some dream then I guess you can say the universe is definitely working in my favor.

Journal Entry 3

I'm still floating on cloud 9 after this weekend. I'm not even sure what to say first, so much has happened I'm still trying to let it all sink in myself; I guess I can start with Friday night. Derek came to pick me up in his black camero; he pulled into the driveway and rung the doorbell and everything. I opened up and in his hand was a bouquet of flowers including white roses and tulips. I took them from his hand, screamed out of joy because they were my favorites, and then realized how Scott was right and I am a total girl. I placed the flowers in a vase on the table and we left out of the door; as I arrived to the car Derek opened my door for me putting on his black shades that matched his leather jacket and got into the car himself. The whole entire ride he had this cocky smirk on his face almost as if he was saying "this is mine and I've won."

I liked that look on his face, made me feel special especially since no one has ever given that look about me before. I mean it's me, I've seen people have that look given to them and see other's giving that look to others but now it's my turn. We arrived to the restaurant where Derek made reservations to and took our seat in a rounded corner booth because Derek wanted to sit next to me. The lights were very dim and there were candles in on the tables; the place had a romantic vintage kind of theme to it. We ordered our food and just talked over candlelight. We even talked about the loss our family members, he became so vulnerable as did I, I began to tear up just thinking about my mother and he wrapped his arm around me and let me lean on his chest.

That was before the restaurant started playing Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. Derek looked at me and sung along saying "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you're far away and dreaming I could spend my life in this sweet surrender I could stay lost in this moment forever  
Where every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure." Then he grabbed me and told him to dance with him, in the middle of the restaurant. I resisted but he assured me he didn't care what anyone thought and so I got up and he grabbed me closer. I joined in the chorus singing "Don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, cause I'd miss you babe, and I don't want to miss a thing." All eyes were on us and we didn't have a care in the world just lost in the moment. Everything seemed to be tuned out and going in slow motion, then I blanked everyone else out of the picture all together and it was just Derek and I dancing right then at that moment.

I don't even remember finishing dinner, I think I was just trapped in another world. I do remember getting back in the car to go back to Derek's house and thinking how tonight couldn't have gone any better. We arrived at his house and he had a layout of all my favorite movies on the sofa. "Scott told me what your favorite movies were so I thought we could sit on the couch and just watch them all till we fall asleep." At that moment I was thinking this guy is already inside my mind now I can't wait for him to be inside of me. "That sounds perfect." Is what I responded with instead. He went and popped popcorn, we sat snuggled up together on the couch watching all my favorite films and he was stroking my hair behind my ear till we both fell asleep on each other just like that.

I don't remember dreaming that night, I just remember waking up in his massive bed by the smell of bacon. I was fully clothed still which meant he didn't take advantage of me which kind of sucks. I went to the bathroom to wash up a little and rinse my mouth out with some mouth wash I found on his bathroom counter. Then I headed for downstairs and saw him in nothing but boxer shorts cooking this massive breakfast. He told me to sit down at the table and let him cater to me and that's what I did. He made pancakes, bacon, eggs, and hash browns and I ate entirely more than I should have but I couldn't help myself I felt so comfortable around him and plus his cooking was some of the best I've ever had. "I didn't know you could cook." He swallowed his food before responding "There are a lot of things about me I can't wait for you to find out…I've always trusted you Stiles there's just something about me that makes me drop my guard and be, well be me." I got up from my seat and sat in his lap instead. I looked him in the eyes while stroking his hair and gave him a kiss and a hug. We stayed in that hug until we were interrupted by the doorbell.

Derek gave a sigh because he knew it was Isaac, Erica, and Scott but he had no idea why they would be arriving at ten in the morning. "Sorry for bothering you Derek but Scott thinks he got scent of more werewolves about 10 miles outside of town." They all walked in and Derek went upstairs to put a shirt on. By the time he came back downstairs the three of them were staring at me trying to figure out why I was at Derek's house at ten in the morning eating a massive breakfast and having a guilty look on my face. Derek came back into kitchen and said "stop looking at Stiles like that yes he spent the night, yes we're together, no I'm not answering any questions, and what do you mean Scott thinks he caught a werewolf scent?" Everyone was trying to process what he just said, they all had a thousand smart ass comments and questions to make/ask but when Derek made a command every listened so I was off the hook for a few moments at least.

"Well I was headed out of town for my mom when I picked up a scent just outside of town; so I tried to follow it as best as I could it seemed like more than one wolf scent but they just kind of disappeared." Derek sat back town to continue eating "well Scott you, Erica, and Isaac go and try and find the scent again. I'll get Peter and we'll see what we can do about it just in case it is another pack trying to come into town. Now if you don't mind Stiles and I are trying to eat." They looked at him, then at me and I smiled because I knew I was off the hook as long as I was with Derek. Scott gave me a confused/I'ma get you later look and then headed out the door with Erica and Isaac following.

We finished eating and I asked Derek if I could take a shower, he showed me where the towels were and the soap was. Halfway through my shower Derek walked into the bathroom, naked and joined me saying "we have to stop meeting like this." He took a puff, put soap on it, and started washing my back while kissing my neck. I turned around to face him, water pouring all down my face and in my mouth and started to wash his abs. I looked up at him and down to see how his erection was matching mine and while I was ready for him to take me he whispered in my ear "I want to do this right Stiles, let's wait to the right moment okay?" I said okay but deep down all that did was make me want him even more, I think he could tell I was a virgin and he wanted to go slow with me to make sure I wasn't caught up in the moment and didn't make any regrets.

We spent the rest of the day just watching movies, talking, dancing, and enjoying each other's company. No one bothered us for the rest of the day, and it was refreshing to see the other side of Derek, the non threatening side of him, it made me feel even closer to him. I looked at him and remember thinking I never wanted that feeling to end.

Journal Entry 4

It's been a couple of months since I've written in you journal and I know what I said last time, but journal that feeling did indeed end. I'm not sure what happened between us or why Derek has changed but all I want to do is runaway; I want to leave this place and never return. I guess I should explain what exactly happened which is hard to do because I'm unsure of what exactly happened myself.

It started about a month ago after Derek and I first made love. Before we made love things were going so good, I mean we did everything together and he wasn't ashamed of me at all. Scott has even got used to the idea of us being together and so has my father and with all the supernatural things going on around us Derek made sure I was always taken care of. In fact that's the reason we made love in the first place; because he was afraid of losing me.

It started by Scott and me walking to school and being confronted by three werewolves gone rouge they were part of a pack from three towns over looking for new recruits. Scott tried to save me by pushing me aside to fight them off but while he was being held down by two of them the third one grabbed me and knocked me out. When I came through I was in Derek's bed and he was right beside me the whole time. Apparently Scott's growl alerted Derek that he was in trouble and when Derek arrived and saw me unconscious he kind of lost it. They never stood a chance; Derek and Scott won't tell me what they did exactly they just assured me I wouldn't have to worry about them anymore. A few days after the ordeal Derek told me he loved me, and then lit the whole bedroom of candles with roses on the floor. He asked me if I was ready and I nodded in agreeance. We made love that night and still to this day I can feel him inside me and how I never wanted him to stop. He was so gentle with me and well I miss that feeling.

After that night everything between us changed, I mean every time I would see him he would go to sleep. I tried to tell him about my day but once again he would just go to sleep and I began to take it personal. So I went to Scott and he said Derek never went to sleep around him or anyone else. So I wanted to see it for myself, instead of spending the night with him I had Scott and Erica go over to his house and put a camera in his living room. They stayed up the whole night just talking, laughing, eating, and that's when I knew it was me. Derek hadn't laughed like that around me in weeks and I didn't know why nor did I care to hear an explanation.

I mean am I boring or something? Has he found someone else? Has he lost interest in me? Was I too easy, and now that he had me he wants nothing to do with me? Should I have held out longer? I mean you tell someone you love them, make love to them, then you ignore them, you go to sleep or don't want to be touched every time you're together. Who does that? Derek Hale that's who…I guess I was wrong when I thought he was my Mr. Right. I guess the universe gave me a piece of happiness just long enough to rip it out from underneath me so it would hurt more. That's why I decided to leave town for a few days without telling anyone where I'm going, I'm not taking my phone either just some money and clearing my head. I hate Derek Hale and curse the day he came into my life which is the day he ruined my life.

Journal Entry 5

Stiles if you're reading this then it's me Derek writing in your journal. Yes I've read your journal Scott told me you were keeping one. By the way hiding it under your pillow is a really stupid hiding place. But I wanted you to know I never regret the day I met you and I'm sorry I ruined your life. I don't know where you're going or if you're safe but I need you back with me. I need to be able to hold you, to kiss you, to protect you, to see your face, or hear your sarcastic remarks.

As you know I'm the alpha of the pack, there could be danger at any moment like the case when you and Scott were attacked. When I'm with my pack I'm the alpha, but when I'm with you I'm Derek. Derek needs sleep, Derek wants to drop his guard and be completely defenseless because he knows you'll protect him and love him. When I'm the alpha I have to put my guard up and that means staying awake, that means pretending to care about their pity little problems, and that means not letting them see me in a defenseless state. I've shown you a side of me they'll never get to see and that is I've shown you me.

I'm sorry I'm the reason you've left, I'm sorry I'm the reason you felt neglected it wasn't my intention at all. I think you're the most fascinating person on earth, with a headful of knowledge and a heart filled of courage. I love you today as much if not more than I did yesterday and the day before that. If you see this, if you read this, just know Derek is sorry for everything. Derek wants you to come back to him, forgive him for not explaining. As of now I'll stop looking for you Stiles, I'll give you all the space and time that you need but you'll always have open arms waiting for you if you decide to return to me.

-Signed with Love,

Simply Derek Hale


	2. Chapter 2

Journal Entry 1

It's been two weeks and still no one has heard anything from Stiles, not even his best friend Scott or his father. Its' taken everything inside of me to not go looking for him, to not turn the earth upside down and shake him out of hiding. I mean just think about it, if anything were to happen to him, if he were to get hurt or even die all because of a misunderstanding I would never be able to live with myself.

What's even more stupid is the fact I've actually started a journal myself, I mean how stupid do I sound talking to myself via paper and pencil. I guess I'm writing in honor of Stiles, me continuing his writing in some sort of way brings me closer to him. Thinking about it, as a matter of fact I really miss being close to him. He was the only person since my mom and sister died who I've grown close to, who I trust completely and for him to just up and leave me without even talking with me first really hurts.

Not only does it hurt but it makes me wonder if I was right in choosing him as my mate. When Allison thought Scott was cheating on her because of all the secrets he was keeping, did she just up and leave? No she confronted him time and time again and they talked and worked it out. When Jackson was ready to leave Lydia they went to Danny and did some stupid therapy session and are better than before. Yet Stiles feels neglected and does nothing to try and work things out, he just tells his journal he's done with me and that's all she wrote.

I didn't even realize how angry I was until now. How disgusted I am with him for not coming to me sooner. For not explaining to me how he was feeling. Hell he could have told Scott at least that way I would have seen it coming, I would have known why he left; versus just leaving without a trace. I hope he realizes I'm not coming after him. I hope he can see that he made his bed and now he can lay in it because I've opened my heart up and it got ripped out. So now the compassionate Derek is gone, the Derek who tried to care about people is gone and I'm never letting him return again. I never really understood why Peter was so distant and angry before but now I do understand it's because every time you try and open your heart up for love, it gets broken.

Journal Entry 2

I think I was too angry with Stiles in my previous entry, I mean I don't hate him I love him. It's just he never got to hear what it was like as a child for me. I came from a family of werewolves, we weren't turned we were all born this way and were taught how to live a certain way. My mother was the heart and soul of the family, the compassionate one who kept everything together and kept my father human. My father was a ruthless man and I mean ruthless but with my mom, I don't know he was just different; almost human.

I remember when I was around five years old and my sister and I were about to get on the school bus to go home when we were confronted by these two men. They came up to us with brown jackets on wearing all black clothes. The muscular one began to touch my sister's arm and asked her if she felt safe at her household. My sister pulled her arm away and grabbed me to go but the smaller guy shook my shoulder back thus stopping me.

He looked me right in the eyes and said "If you need anything, if you want to talk about anything, if you don't feel safe then let me know. I'll find you and I can protect you without judgment, no questions asked." He had a look of genuine concern on his face and a small part of me wondered what my life would have been like if only I would have gone home with them instead of getting on that bus.

The moment we arrived home my sister told my father what those two men said and how they had touched her arm. I think she liked stirring up trouble with my father because tears were streaming down her face and while I knew she was lying I was more shock at the fact my dad couldn't sense she was lying. Instead he let out this massive growl and within seconds every male pack member was out of the door almost as if they were starting a man hunt.

I went in the kitchen with my mother while they were gone and helped her cook dinner. She just rubbed the top of my head, kissed my cheek, then asked me if I was upset and or okay. I assured her I was fine about the whole ordeal and how my sister was just exaggerating what actually happened and my mom smiled and said "I figured as much."

We continued to cook until my father and the rest got home. They looked tired, worn down, but also had a look of reassurance on their faces. My father walked into the kitchen and had this awful smell on him and until I made my first kill I had no idea what that smell was. I waited until my father sat down at the table to talk to him and asked "what happened?"

He just stared at me for a second then responded with "we dealt with the situation." I sat in the chair next to him and responded with "they only wanted to help," he grabbed my arm, looked me deep in my eyes and let out a low devilish growl before saying "if you never learn a single thing from me again learn this, no one can be trusted. They will lie to you, try to befriend you, get close to you, all so they can kill or bring harm to you. Don't allow your heart to run your life, the only trust that should be given is trust that is earned by your family and your family only. This pack is your trust circle…never forget that."

Till this day I'll never forget those words especially since it felt like only a few years later they were all killed. I felt so alone because my whole life was dependent on them, they were what got me up in the morning and the reason I was able to sleep. I would watch my father stay up till the wee hours of the morning making sure everyone was safe then when he was with my mom he was able to sleep because he trusted her. As much as I try to shake who I am and my past, I can't help but go back to my roots at times and that means being a little like my father. I just wished Stiles would have asked me this before he left.

Journal Entry 3

Scott is beginning to worry about me because all I keep doing is hunting, and not your average hunting I'm out for blood. This week alone I've killed two hunters and a newly transformed werewolf. I'm trying to do any and everything I possibly can to take my mind off of Stiles; it's gotten so bad I caught myself marking the days he's been gone off of a calendar.

My pack is beginning to worry about me saying what I've been doing isn't healthy and that I should just move on. That would be the easy and reasonable thing to do I agree but I don't want to move on, I want to remember the hurt and pain because it allows me to be angry and right now I want to be angry as hell. I want to kill something and release what I feel out on to the world.

Yet Scott won't let me do that, instead he's given me a task to focus my hatred on and frankly it's a damn good task. Scott has noticed more and more scents for werewolves just outside of town and so this past weekend he and I went there to explore. We arrived at some creepy, abanded motel and I was trying not show my disgust at all the rats crawling all over the floor.

Scott turned to me with a stupid look on his face and said "you're supposed to be this big bad alpha wolf and you're afraid of a rat?" I looked at him very serious like and said "rats Scott…plural…there is not a rat in here there are rats in here." He laughed and for the first time since Stiles left I actually laughed as well, it felt kind of good to let go a little bit.

We kept walking down the hall and I heard a heart beating in one of the rooms upstairs so I grabbed Scott and we followed the heartbeat. It was moving, getting faster and farther away and then stopped what sounded like the top of the roof. So we found the stairs to the roof access and put a brick as a door stopper so we wouldn't get stuck up there if it was a trap. As soon as we stepped onto the roof I sniffed the air one good time because I recognized that scent immediately, I turned around and there he was standing right in front of me with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on face. He reached out his arms and said "give me a hug Derek."

I took a few steps back and couldn't speak for a second before saying "I thought you were dead Peter." He looked at me and came closer saying "yeah well some people just won't die now will they?" I also hated the way he talked, everything was so sarcastic and open ended I felt like nothing was ever direct with him. Scott looked at me and told me we should get out of their and for the first time I actually agreed with him. Before we could turn away and leave peter stopped us by saying "Derek, I need you to stop killing my werewolves."

I gave him a low growl before saying "I wouldn't have to kill them if you would stop making them." He laughed that damn sarcastic laugh and said "I wouldn't have to keep making more if you would stop killing the one's that I have. I try to keep them away from Beacon Hills but something keeps drawing them back there, it's probably your little toy, Stiles."

Hearing his name just felt like a knife in my heart. "What about Stiles?" Peter tilted his head as if he had no idea that I had no idea as to what he was talking about. "How could you of all people not have heard nephew? Stiles has become on the radar to certain people who want you dead. They know you are off limits so they're going for the next best thing, your precious puppet. Sorry to say this but our family has made quite a few enemies over the years."

Scott looked more terrified than I did and asked "Have you heard where he is? Why would your werewolves come looking for him in Beacon Hills?" Peter sat down a brick to the side and started talking. "I'm guessing you two are out of the loop on this one huh? Well a few weeks ago I got word someone was looking for a kid named Stiles, one of my freshly turned wolves came and told me someone offered them $10,000 to find him. My wolf was killed before he could find Stiles so I made some more and more but they kept winding up dead. I thought it was whoever hired them killing them but after smelling you I now know you and your mutts are behind killing them."

I took a seat beside him because I had no idea whether to trust him or not; I remember my father saying only trust family but I'm not sure if I want to put my trust in Peter at the risk of losing Stiles permanently. "Stiles has been missing for about three or so weeks. He was angry with me and just took off I have no idea where he is and I need your help to find him." I wanted to say more but was cut off by an objecting Scott.

"Derek we can't trust Peter, after all we've been through with him, don't you think if Stiles was really missing instead of secretly trying to catch Stiles with his werewolves he would've just alerted you directly instead." Peter stood up because he could see my now hesitation "What do you think all of this is? How do you think you found me in the first place, I sent out clues and you followed them here to me in a safe manner. I don't know who wants to hurt Stiles or Derek and or why which is why it's a bad idea for me to just show up to Derek's house. That would practically be a death wish."

I wasn't sure what to believe or who all I wanted was Stiles back in my arms, so I got up without saying a word and just left. Scott followed behind me of course and was smart enough to not talk; he just let me be…I needed to be left alone with my thoughts.

Journal Entry 4

It's been a couple of weeks since I've written in here and that's because the night I saw Peter a few hours later a shivering cold, dripping wet Stiles knocked on my door. I could hear his teeth chattering from upstairs and immediately let him in and went to get a blanket and towel to wrap him up and dry him off. At first he didn't speak, he just stood there with a dazed look in his eyes and I wasn't sure what he needed.

I made him sit on the couch and had a thousand questions for him but he cut me off and said "hold me." I didn't say anything, I didn't ask why; I just got behind him, made him lay down on my chest and wrapped my arms around his body. He rubbed his head on my chest like a puppy does when they're trying to find a comfortable spot. Then he just started crying, no warning at all I mean he just started really crying before saying in between breaths and gasps "I'm sorry for leaving and being foolish." He took another breath before continuing "I'm sorry for being so stupid and getting mad over what shouldn't have been a big deal at all I can't explain why I felt the way I did or why I responded the way I did but I'm sorry."

And just like that all the anger left my body. At that moment all I could do was think about protecting him, think about keeping my body wrapped about his. He tried to apologize some more but I just shh'd him and rocked back and forth like something you would see in practically every lifetime movie. I rocked him till he fell asleep then carried him to my bed before calling his father and Scott letting them both know he was home and the condition he was in. I don't remember falling asleep that night, I remember sitting in the chair facing him the entire night just to make sure everything was okay and that I wouldn't lose him again.

I watched him sleep till the wee hours of the morning when he woke up groggy and a little out of it still. As soon as I saw his eyes open I ran to the bed like a mother does when her only son wakes up from a coma. He sat up in the bed and said "what can I do to make you forgive me?" I felt like crying but contained myself because little did he know him being here and safe was all I needed. "I already forgive you as long as you forgive me for making you feel neglected; I just want to know what happened?" He laid back down turn sideways facing the opposite of me. "I left because I thought after we made love you were no longer interested in me…and I felt so hurt because I saved myself for you." I got in the bed and cuddled up beside him. "What on earth would make you believe that?" He turned to face me "because a great guy like you would never be interested in a guy like me. Not to mention every time we were together after we had sex you would just sleep, I would be talking and you would just conk out. And the night before I left, the night that I cancelled our date I watched you on a recording with Erica and Scott and you were having a great time. You stayed up the entire night with them, but yet when you were with me…it was like I bored you so I wanted to make it easier and just leave."

I held him tighter and said "I fell asleep when I was with you not because I bore you but because I love you. I mean care about you, hell I said it right the first time it's because I love you Stiles. When I'm with my pack I need to protect them because I don't trust them to protect me, so I have to be alert at all times but when I'm with you I can let my guard down and I can rest. I'm just sorry I didn't do a better job at expressing how much I cared." He kissed me on the lips then on the neck then started working his way down my abs. "Say you love me again." I kept repeating I love you every time he gave my body another kiss and it was sweet. He got on top of me and started to kiss me deeper but I realized something, he never said where he had been for almost a month. "Stiles, stop…it's not that I don't like this but I have to know…where have you been all this time?" He looked at me, took my hands and put them behind my head and said "I never left town…as a matter of fact I never left my house. I just locked my door and snuck down to eat when my dad was at work. I didn't know how stupid I was until I finally picked my journal up to write in it and saw the entry you included."

I couldn't do anything but laugh, it was the hardest laugh I've ever laughed before and he joined in with me. "One more question, why did you look so spooked last night then?" He stopped laughing immediately and said "because I ran into a werewolf on the way to your house and he tried to drown me in the freaking lake like a mile away. He said he wanted to send Derek Hale a message and tried to bite me but some guy ran him off; I'm not sure if he was a hunter or another werewolf but he told the werewolf trying to kill me that Peter said I was off limits. Then he just left and well as you could tell I was spooked, I mean I thought Peter was dead and well hell I thought I was going to die as well." I gave him another kiss and pulled him to being directly on top of my chest "well let's not worry about that today…let's just live in the now."

And at that moment I realized I was fully like my father, because if I was like my father I would have gotten up and gone after whoever tried to kill Stiles. But when you do that you become so engaged in the supernatural that you forget to be human and just live life and after almost losing the love of my life I don't want to waste any idol time by chasing ghosts. I want to have fun, get in trouble, go on a road trip for no reason at all, eat too much cotton candy, get on a roller coaster, or take a cruise. I want to show Stiles every day that I love him and if someone tries to hurt him well I'll take care of it in my own way but it just won't be today.

Journal Entry 5

When you thought I was sleeping I kept one eye open just to see what you were up to sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night. I caught you huddled over your desk busy writing and erasing something so after we woke I found this…you made a journal in honor of me huh? I must say Derek you never fail to surprise me so this is me completing your fifth journal entry.

Remember a few nights ago when I came back and you told me you loved me, well I love you too Derek and I know nobody on earth may understand our love or what we have but you and I know it's real. What we share is more than physical, more than emotional, what we share is infinite because it'll never go away. If I had a thousand tongues they wouldn't be enough to say how truly sorry I am for ever doubting you, for leaving you without a word, for making you feel as neglected if not more than how I felt.

So that is why I am writing this entry for you, I'm writing to let you know that for now on it's going to be you and me taking on the world. I'm thinking for our first stop we get the hell out of this town for a few days and leave the werewolf stuff to Peter and Scott; I'm sure they can manage without you for a little while. Oh yea and before I forget my suggestion to get out of town is non negotiable so I'll be waiting for you downstairs.

-Till next time lover boy, Stiles


End file.
